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these words are my diary...screaming out loud
sometimes the road ahead is paved with anything but good intentions...
24 kisses under the mistletoe or santa baby
i had a dream the other night with both james franco and brad pitt in it.

that has to be about the most amazing dream ever.
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i have no clue where my brain is, but it is totally not here right now!!!
GRAWR. i need to get it together!
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What is the strangest advice you've ever received from a fortune cookie?
For better luck you have to wait till spring.

I have it posted in my room, I think its hilarious.


santa baby

ugh i kinda miss having you around for some strange reason...

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i think i really really care about you...
and i think i always have.

and that scares me.

i don't know what to do kids!!!!

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 :( i hate it here.  i want to be back to alma.
i feel like a stranger being back home. 
it sucks.
everybody but my parents i feel like want to handle me like a puppet.
i'm moody, get over it.
i just feel like people still just step the fuck all over me, and think its ok.
i'm tired of people wanting me to act a certain way.
well hey guess what? stop being crappy and obnoxious and stealing people away from me, and i'll be less angry all the time.
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lyrics to a kickass song by Radiohead...that some should take to heart.


Can't get the stink off
He's been hanging round for days 
Comes like a comet 
Suckered you but not your friends 
One day he'll get to you
And teach you how to be a holy cow 

You do it to yourself, you do 
And that's what really hurts 
Is that you do it to yourself 
Just you and no-one else 
You do it to yourself 
You do it to yourself 

Don't get my sympathy 
Hanging out the 15th floor 
You've changed the locks three times
He still comes reeling through the door 
One day I'll get you 
And teach you how to get to purest hell 

You do it to yourself, you do 
And that's what really hurts
Is that you do it to yourself 
Just you, you and no-one else 
You do it to yourself 
You do it to yourself 

You do it to yourself, you do
and that's what really hurts
Is that you do it to yourself
Just you, you and no-one else
You do it to yourself 
You do it to yourself, yourself, yourself.
1 kiss under the mistletoe or santa baby

do you ever wonder how and why people fall in and out of love?
i think about it a lot.
how people can be so in love with one another and in a split second, it falls apart and they walk away as if nothing ever happened, nothing ever existed between them.
it's so interesting.
i had an entire conversation about men and such with johanna and meredith.
we talked about how men obviously respond to things differently, handle their emotions differently.
most cover them up easily.
i find it amazing how some can just recover so quickly by simply blocking it out and moving forward.
it's always the escape, the easy way out.

i am a person of passion.
i like to feel everything.
yes, it's scary...but when i feel things, i feel it with my whole heart, mind and body.
i like that about myself, and at the same time cannot stand.
because i am this way, it scares people.
especially men.
to be that involved.
that passionate.
that romantic.
that trusting?
i lie awake sometimes analyzing things i don't want to.
figuring out things.
figuring out myself and where i am going.
thinking about the power of karma.

music is a powerful tool, it always seems to blast me to a different place in my life.

or a place i want to be.

or wondering if the song i'm listening  toand the person i'm thinking about is listening the EXACT song i'm listening to and thinking about me also...or if they listen to the song and think about me too...

i always seem to do that.

it makes me happy to think that maybe someone is thinking about me too, to music.

i'm strangely optimistic right now.
and at the same time, sullen as always...
for me through it all, and unrealistically...
i always want to live in that romantic, fantasy state
that i was that girl.

and for me, even though it leaves me here....
it leaves me feeling as if it's still not the end FOR ME THOUGH.
my journey isn't over...
but for that person it is.

a piece of me will always love him...even though this is lots of anger  almost hatred there.
i know that part of me  will always love him with what i had...
even if he's already forgotton about me...or trying to forget about me.

we'll both be old and married with our own families someday and satisfied with our lives and sit back when we're 99 and smile to ourselves one day and think

"wow that really was something back then..."
"i think i did love them then..."

it's so dumb, but i love the idea of loving one person for the rest of your life.  or THINKING about someone for the rest of your life, looking back on your life and smiling.  i know i will find that person where EVERYTHING will click.  and not just some things here and there, because i feel as though if you are going to love somebody, you make it work.  you don't just TRY and make it work and just HOPE it works out in the end.  i want to be going the same damn direction as somebody and not backwards...or not be in the same stage in life. i need someone to be WITH  me.

haha but hey this is just who i am...living in my dazed, fantasy, over the top daydreaming world of hopes and dreams. 

but these are my thoughts...
and i won't be ashamed.



santa baby

sometimes i feel like everything i say really doesn't fucking matter to people.
really..everything i say.
like everything i do or say is not good enough.
why am i always the bad person?
why am i always paranoid?
i am really really angry, and the littlest things are getting on my  nerves?

have you ever felt like nothing you do is ever right, and every word that comes out of your mouth or online, people judge you or have to say something to belittle you?

this is no one in particular...so no one get all offended.

i'm just sick of shit in general from people sometimes.

it's like i should shut my mouth and not say anything anymore.

nothing i do feels right anymore.

sorry for this angry/emo entry which will probably go ahead and piss someone off too!




i'm getting so sick of the stage i am in my life right now, i'm ready to get out of this god damn small town, i'm ready (and as scary as it is) to be in a big city, away from people.
i'm ready to start the hell over...
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everyone's so pissy lately!!!!!!!!
1 kiss under the mistletoe or santa baby

whatever man.....

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 i've learned from the best haven't i?

funny how some people care...
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i always  seem to get myself into the worst situations possible.
i have nobody else to blame but myself...


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mmm well i was right ya'll.....



can't see his page....but read his caption...

what a fuckface.

santa baby